The coloring begins... with green!

In so many ways I've discovered how easy it is to confuse me.  It seems like so often I find myself running and running.  It feels similar to being on a treadmill except I can't see the treadmill.  I see nothing!  It is completely dark all around me.  I want to slow down but I'm afraid of the result.  I want to run harder but can't seem to find the energy.  I don't know if I am about to run off a cliff or into something dangerous.  My mind is swirling, heart pounding, and I am running short of breath!  I've lost all sense of direction.  I'm not even sure which way is up and which way is down.  Do you ever feel that way?  Some people refer to this as anxiety but that isn't quite what I am describing.

I've boiled all of this down to a hunger that is deeper and more indescribable than I've ever known.  When I first took the plunge into giving my life to Christ I thought I was at the highest point I could reach.  Looking back I still feel that way!  Now I have reached the highest point, but I know there is more.  I don't know how I could have ever thought that first feeling as "it".

As I've gone on, I've learned that I am horrible at stopping.  But why?  I feel as though I am constantly running and I sometimes forget why!  I have to regularly ask myself why am I doing what I am doing and what do I want to be doing.  Then I have to be realistic of course!  I have to shift my perspective slightly and see the truth!  I'M TIRED!  Most women I know would love to sleep longer and have more time to get ready.  I am such a woman!  But God keeps sweetly reminding me why I am alive and it gets my blood pumping even more!  My mind begins racing because "I can't stop!  There is so much to do!"  And God again reminds me why I am here!  Well that there just confuses me.  I know why I am here.  Isn't that why I work so hard and constantly keep myself on the go?  I don't sleep and I rarely take time to eat!  Isn't this what God wants?  I don't understand.  And again God reminds me why I am here!  This is when the frustration sets in and I push even harder.  Ok, I'll cut back even more on the meals and I'll stay up later and try and get up earlier.  I'll work at the office longer.  I'll give you my all, God!  Now I should be doing exactly what He wants.  This should make God smile!

Now I've done all of that and why is it that I feel so drained?  Isn't God pleased?  Doesn't He understand that I'm doing this to honor Him?  All of this has been on my mind today because I am so tired.  It was one of those days that when you wake up your first thought is "I can't wait to go back to bed!"  This process is a common occurrence for me.  I've had the whole thought of rest really on my mind.  I've been hearing references about rest for weeks now.  And here I am, still exhausted!  

As my mind has been full with thought God brought the saying "Color My Crayons" back to my mind.  You see, God said those words to me when I started my blog.  I thought they were a little weird but I liked it.  When He brought them to mind today in my heart I felt that He said today I start with GREEN!  So I looked up the biblical meaning of green.  Here it is: New life, growth, prosperity, flourish, fruitfulness, praise, RESTING IN GOD, and the color of the Trinity from: Ps 23:2, Genesis 1:30, Luke 23:31, Mark 6:39 Tribe of Judah - Life; Health, Ps 92:14, Ps 1:3, Life everlasting, 1 John 5:12.  Posterity Ps 37:35

Isn't it so great that God doesn't let us go!  He gave me such a wonderful color today to add to my crayon box.